September 7, 2016 | by: Maureen Maniquis | 1 Comments
Posted in: Gospel Living
Lately, it feels like such an effort to focus on God. I seem to go through this from time to time. I find myself in what feels like a state of limbo. It’s as though I’ve been trapped in an intermediate stage of travel; a kind of holding pen for the soul whose air hose has been crimped. It’s not enough loss of air to cause me to gasp but the rich mixture of communion and worship seems like a memory rather than a daily experience. My heart longs to enter into his courts with praise. My eyes want to see him high and lifted up in glory. This is not a “dark night of the soul” but more like a hunger; a longing to be satisfied. It’s a memory of being in those courts and seeing his glory and longing for more.
This is the magnetic beauty of God. When his grace has touched your life there is an irresistible pull that draws you in and creates a passion. But, like any affair of the heart, the intensity can ebb and flow over time. The everyday practices of prayer and reading can become routine and ordinary, leaving you wondering if the love has lost its shine. The words that all at once had you love-struck and dumb-struck can reverberate as though in a hollow cavern.
I’m not alone in this limbo. The Psalms are full of hungry hearts. “As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I stand before him?...My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of great celebration.” Psalm 42:1-2, 4. These are the words of a passionate heart pining for the presence of its Love. This love has not lost its shine. It’s not looking for other loves to take its place. Rather, it’s longing to be pulled deeper into this magnetic beauty of God. The eyes long to see the intricacies of the colors of his robe; feel the richness of its glorious fabric as it fills the temple.
“Limbo” can be a good place for a soul to find itself occasionally. It can heighten awareness of our greatest need and can often be a place of preparation for a fresh filling of the rich breath of God. When the air hose has been slightly crimped our vision can be affected; our thinking unclear. We actually haven’t been placed in a holding pen; our Love is still right there by our side. He still has a firm grasp on our hand. The magnetic pull is far too powerful to ever be severed. In fact, its pull is growing stronger; its passion deeper. Hence, the longing.
Soon, His words will strike awe in your heart once again. Soon, you will see him high and lifted up. Soon, your arms will be raised up among the worshippers. Soon, your heart will be satisfied by the irresistible grace.
Maureen Maniquis moved to Florida 10 years ago from Bern, Switzerland where she and her husband were living for 6 years while working at the American Embassy. While there, they helped plant an English speaking church in the heart of the city that still thrives today to meet the needs of expats who desire to be a part of a community of fellow believers. Maureen has been a part of the Restoration Church Core Team since its plant in 2010 and currently serves on the Hospitality Team and Prayer Team and will be a regular contributor to our blogs. She has published a book of her memoirs and is a passionate writer on Gospel living and pointing people to the heart of Jesus. She also blogs here.